


About Love and Denial

by JustAnotherAss_mann



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Clexa, F/F, F/M, Flashbacks, Fluff and Angst, Minor Character Death, Romance, Slow Burn, The tags will be updated as the story progress
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-20
Updated: 2016-04-08
Packaged: 2018-05-28 00:43:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6307060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustAnotherAss_mann/pseuds/JustAnotherAss_mann
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clarke and Lexa met at a party and quickly became best friends. They know their friendship is a little "different" but they don't mind it - and aren't exactly willing to change it either. But then they are cast as lovers and suddenly their comfort zone isn't that comfortable anymore.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“They will never admit they are insanely in love with each other, right?”

Anya sighs, raising her gaze and glancing at her right, at the couch where Clarke is lying between Lexa’s legs, her head tilted against her collarbone. Lexa’s slim fingers are sliding between blonde locks slowly, her other hand placed over the blanket that is covering their legs. Clarke has her eyes focused on the huge screen in front of them and a small smile on her lips, her fingers playing with Lexa’s distractedly, and Lexa has a half smile – the one she reserves only for Clarke and the things related to her – on her lips.

“I don’t think so. At this is so fucking annoying.” She sighs again, glancing quickly at Raven, whose eyes are focused on the _couple_ occupying the couch, a bottle of bear pressed against her slightly parted lips. “I mean, look at them. I don’t think I know any actual couple that looks as sickeningly cute as them.” Raven chuckles lowly at that and Anya turns to her with a threatening glare, her index finger pointing at her face. “And if you tell _anyone_ what I just said I will kill you. _Slowly and with cruelty.”_

Raven snorts again, rolling her eyes and taking a gulp of her beer.

“Despite the fact _I can_ picture you doing that I’m not afraid of you, An. You don’t scare me.” The memory of the day they meet Lexa and Anya crosses her mind and grins widely, shrugging nonchalantly. “At least not anymore.” This time Anya is the one rolling her eyes and Raven winks at her before moving her eyes to Lexa and Clarke one more time. “Anyway, let’s not get lost. That’s not the point.” She points at the oblivious couple, who is now chatting lowly and _giggling_ – well, Clarke is giggling. Lexa is just grinning, because the world isn’t ending. _Yet._ “ _That’s_ the point. They’re very frustrating and I can’t deal with their shenanigans anymore.”

Anya reaches for her own beer, bringing the bottle to her lips while glaring attentively at her friends, as if studying them.

“But what could we do? I lost count of how many times I spoke to Lexa and practically forced her to acknowledge their feelings towards each other.” She snorts, shaking her head. “Damn, I lost count of how many times _we encouraged their drunken selves to at least kiss_. And nothing. Nada. Niente.” She shrugs, defeated. “I ran out of ideas.”

“I never pegged you as a quitter, Anya Woods.” She smirks when Anya looks at her with an arched eyebrow and an inquisitive glare. “You will call me crazy but I have an idea and I think it could work.”

…

“I can’t believe you guys did that.” She glances at the living room door, lowering her voice when she sees Clarke pacing next to it, her phone pressed against her ear and a grin on her lips. “If I knew you would have this brilliant idea I wouldn’t have told you about the role.” She sighs loudly, a hand running through her hair. “Fuck, Lexa will be so grumpy at our Muay Thai class tomorrow. She will totally kick my ass.”

Raven shrugs, seeming extremely proud of her plan.

“What can I say? We can’t all be _beauty and brains_ kind of people.” Octavia rolls her eyes, punching her shoulders lightly and causing her smirk to grow bigger. “Also, it’s not my fault that you decided to be Lexa’s sparing.” She shakes her head slowly, mockingly. “The things people do for their crushes.”

Octavia snorts, throwing another punch on Rave’s arm.

“Shut up Rey. I’m not Clarke Griffin and I certainly do not have a crush on the commander.” She shrugs, glancing hesitantly at the door again. “It’s just – Lexa is my friend. She will be very uncomfortable about this whole thing.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Except I do. And you do too. You’re just choosing to ignore it.”  

“Well, I’m not the only person who is choosing to ignore the obvious around here so I think I’ll be fine.” She reaches for Octavia’s shoulder, placing a hand over it. “Think we are doing it for the greater good O.”

Octavia rolls her eyes hard, snorting.

“Alright, Grindewald. I’ll try to do it. Alongside with preparing my fine ass to be kicked tomorrow morning.”

Raven opens her mouth to reply but it’s interrupted by Clarke, who comes back into the kitchen, her phone squeezed on one of her hands and a huge grin on her face.

“I told Wells to arrange a meeting with Kane.” She places her phone over the kitchen counter before clasping her hands together and bringing them to her mouth, her eyes sparkling. “Fuck, I think I’m willing to accept this job even without any meetings.”

Octavia raises one eyebrow at this.

“Without even thinking about it or learning more about the movie or about your character?” Clarke frowns at her, nodding, and Octavia sighs deeply. “Of course you are acting on impulse. I don’t know why it surprises me.” She reaches for her own phone and her keys before jumping off of the high stool, her eyes still locked with Clarke’s. “Did you talk to Lexa about it?” The blonde shakes her head, her puzzled expression deepening. “She will be _so_ pissed.”

“Why?”

 Octavia stares blankly at Clarke for a couple of seconds before a short, loud laugh leaves her lips.

“ _Why?”_ She snorts, already walking towards the door. “You’re so annoyingly oblivious sometimes.”

Raven snorts lowly, mumbling _now tell me the news_ , and as soon as Octavia’s disappears into the living room Clarke turns to her, the crease on her forehead deeper.

“Why Lexa will be pissed?”

Raven shrugs, reaching for the single apple occupying the colorful bowl which adorns the counter.

“O thinks Lexa will not accept the part.”

“Oh.” She sits on the stool previously occupied by her friend, her disappointment clear on her expression. “Why?”

Raven’s next words leave her mouth amongst tiny pieces of apple.

“You know how she is when it gets to being in the spotlight.”

“Oh!” Her eyes widen in understanding and she glances quickly at her phone, clearly worried. “Do you think I should call Wells and tell him I don’t want to –“

“No!” Raven leans forwards, grabbing Clarke’s phone and bringing it out of her reach. “From what I have heard about the movie, playing this character could be good for your career.” _And for your love life_. “So, hm, maybe you should talk to Lexa about it first.” Her lips curl into a smirk and she wriggles her eyebrows at her. “And even if she doesn’t want to accept this job, it’s not like you can’t convince her to change her mind, am I right?”

Clarke rolls her eyes, her expression softening. But barely.

“You’re such an ass, Rey.” She glances at her phone again. “But your advices are kind of alright, so I’ll at least give that to you.”

Raven scoffs, taking another bite of her apple.

“You love all of me, Griffin. Don’t even try to pretend otherwise.”

…

“No. Never. Not in a million years.”

Anya arches one eyebrow at her, standing in front of her friend _and client_ with her arms crossed in front of her chest.

“Because –“ Lexa stops, turning to face Anya with a fierce expression on her eyes. An expression that could mislead anyone but Anya and Indra _and Clarke,_ and Anya knows she is feeling afraid and insecure and that it means she will - “ _Jok yu,_ Anya. You betrayed me when you accepted to talk to those producers and I’ll not accept that.”

“Whoa. How mature of you, _Heda_.” Lexa’s eyes darken at the nickname and Anya unfolds her arms, walking towards her slowly. “I’m your manager, Lexa. Talking to producers and looking for good opportunities for you and for your career is kind of my job.” Lexa keeps glaring at her and she sighs exasperatedly, crossing her arms again. “If doing my job means I’m betraying you fire me now, because I intend to keep doing it. You like it or not.”

They stare at each other for a couple of seconds before a loud sigh leaving Lexa’s lips, her expression softening slightly.

“I’m sorry. It’s just –“ she sighs again, and Anya can’t remember the last time Lexa seemed to have such a hard time trying to control her emotions. “People would freak out.”

“And?” Anya shrugs at her nonchalantly. “People already think you two are a couple. That would just add some gasoline to the fire.”

Lexa nods shortly at her.

“That’s my point. You know I don’t like the idea.”

Anya sighs exasperatedly, not willing to start the same conversation with Lexa for the hundredth time.

“Screw what people think about you and your personal life Lex. What really matter, when it come to your fans and the press, it’s your work. And I think accepting to play this character would be wonderful for it.”

Lexa’s expression doesn’t changes but her voice is lower when she speaks again.

“This is Clarke we are talking about, An. _Clarke and I_.” Her eyes are slightly wide and Anya’s expression softens immediately, her muscles relaxing and her arms hanging loosely next to her thighs. “She is my best friend. I’m not supposed to _kiss_ her.”

Anya’s knowledge about Lexa and her personality should be enough for her to postpone this conversation for another time. But she presses forward anyway, because she isn’t one to run away from a good –and fair and well resonated – fight.

“You never bothered about who you kiss while acting, Lex. You kiss guys all the time, and from what I know about you you’re not supposed to kiss them as well.” She shrugs, her eyes still locked with Lexa’s. “I’m sure kissing Clarke sounds way more exciting than kissing any of them, so that’s not the real point here.” Lexa’s expression remains stoic and Anya offers her a half smile. “Plus, I didn’t finish the script yet, but since the movie gravitates around a female couple I’m sure you will need to kiss just once or twice before one of you die. You know the drill.” The edges of Lexa’s lips move slightly and Anya’s own smile gets bigger, because any hint of a smile coming from the always collected Lexa Woods is a huge victory. “Think about all the nominations the role is going to bring you.”

Lexa stares pointedly at Anya, her voice low.

“You just told me you didn’t even read the script, Anya. You can’t predict the nominations.”

Anya shrugs nonchalantly, because _maybe she can’t_ , but that isn’t the point.

“Okay, maybe I can’t. But you know what I can do? Guess the reason for you to be acting as a chicken.” Lexa’s jaw clenches and she glares at Anya, as if challenging her to finish her sentence. “Your love for Clar-“

 “ _Em pleni_.” Anya stops talking immediately, because alongside with knowing when to pick a fight she also knows when to drops one. Lexa turns before she has a chance to do anything, walking towards the main door of her loft and shouting. “I’m not accepting the job.”

…

The air is chilly and she regrets not bringing a hoodie or even her leather jacket with her and she wonders for a second if she should head back to her place to grab something warmer than the sleeveless tank tops she is wearing now, but the thought of meeting Anya and having to face her words and the _real_ reasons for her reluctance to play the role of Clarke’s character’s love interest makes freezing to death to seem like a wise option.

Her knuckles are turning white against the edge of the low wall she is sitting on and eyes are lost in the horizon. The city lights catch her attention, but from time to time she lets her eyes wander towards the sky and mentally recites the name of the stars or of the constellations.

_She stared at the sky with Clarke more than enough times to know them all._

“Hey.” She is so lost in the view – and so busy ignoring her emotions and thoughts – that she didn’t notice Clarke’s arrival. Not until the sound of her voice brings her back from her trance. But it doesn’t startle her, neither surprises her – she knew Clarke would want to force the words she doesn’t want to speak out of her tongue eventually because that’s what she does -, and she just nods curtly, acknowledging her presence. Clarke notices Lexa’s refusal to make any kind of contact but it doesn’t bother her, and she walks towards the wall, stopping just a few feet behind her. “I see you decide to hide in my favorite place.”

“Coming to our building rooftop barely counts as hiding, Clarke.”

Clarke smirks at that because even mad Lexa seems like… _Lexa_ when she says things like that, and the thought is comforting.

She decides to make an effort to keep the conversation light. _For how long it’s possible._

“Whoa. So Anya’s warning was a fair one.” She knows better than expecting any sort of reply from Lexa and steps forward, taking a seat next to her, her eyes focusing on the well-defined contours of her face. “You’re in a bad mood.”

“Am not.”

Lexa is still focused on the city’s lights which are shining under her stare so she misses the way Clarke’s lips curl into a small smirk.

“Okay.”  She reaches for Lexa’s hand, interlacing their fingers. “Come one then. Let’s go to my place.”

A light crease forms on Lexa’s forehead and she turns to face Clarke, and if the blonde didn’t know her friend so well her trained expression would have hide her genuine curiosity successfully.

“Why?”

“This way I can replace the lollipop Anya stole from you.”

Lexa rolls her eyes before turning them back to the horizon.

“Mockery is not a product of a strong mind, Clarke.”

Clarke laughs loudly, pocking Lexa’s stomach before throwing one arm over her shoulders and running a hand over her arm, in a clear attempt to rub the coldness of her skin away.

“Oh, come on you old soul. That was a good one and even you acknowledged it, since it deserved an eye roll.” Lexa refrains herself to roll her eyes again, knowing it would enforce Clarke’s point, and Clarke’s grin gets wider. Especially when Lexa shifts closer to her. even if just a few inches. “We should head inside, though. It’s cold here and you’re _almost naked_.”

She shrugs, snuggling on Clarke’s warm body.

“The cold doesn’t bother me.”

Clarke snorts at her words, shaking her head.

“And to think people call _me_ Princess.” She glances at Lexa, her hand still rubbing her arm. “Is now that an ice castle will appear from nowhere, Elsa?”

“She isn’t a Princess, Clarke. She is a queen.”

“See? A commander, just like you.”

Lexa turns her head, narrowing her eyes at Clarke’s smirk.

“Seriously?”

Clarke’s smile gets bigger and she giggles before tilting her head to kiss Lexa’s cheek, tightening the grip around her body and bringing it closer to hers.  

“Well, at least now you aren’t angry anymore. Just annoyed at me.” She lets her head fall over Lexa’s shoulder, sighing. “I tried to call you.”

“I left my phone at home.”

“I know.” She sighs again, lowering her voice. “I talked to Anya and she told me you aren’t planning to accept the role.”

Lexa nods shortly, and when she speaks again her tone is more hesitant.

“Are you?”

“Why not?” She raises her head, letting go of Lexa’s arm and rearranging her body to look at her easier. “I didn’t finish the scrip, but it seems pretty great. The message it conveys is great and we are always talking about the lack of lgbtq+ oriented movies. And I would have the chance to work with Kane, the man who discovered me, again. And to work with my best friend for the first time. I don’t think a job opportunity could get more perfect than this.” Lexa just stares at her, her expression blank, and she sighs, looking away. “You don’t want to do it because we would have to shoot intimate scenes?” Her voice is lower now, more hesitant, and Lexa is already willing to accept the role if that means never seeing Clarke so vulnerable again. “Is the idea of becoming intimate with me that disgusting?”

“What?” She closes the distance between, wrapping Clarke’s side with one arm, her head tilted and her eyes on Clarke’s face. “Hey, don’t you dare to think this way.” She squeezes Clarke’s arm, waiting for her to make eye contact before starting to speak again. “Of course I’m not disgusted by the idea of becoming intimate with you, Clarke. It’s just –“ she sighs sadly, looking away, and Clarke places a hand over her thigh, squeezing it and hopping it will encourage her to keep talking, wich she does after a few seconds “- It would bring us so much attention. People would freak out and it would mean more –“

_Octavia was right._

“Stop.” Lexa’s head snaps towards her, her eyes slightly widened, and Clarke offers her a small smile, squeezing her thigh again, very gently. “It will not happen again, Lex. What happened back at that night will not happen again, I promise you. We –“

Lexa shakes her head, removing her arm from Clarke’s body and standing up.

“You can’t promise such a thing, Clarke.” She turns, walking towards the edge of the rooftop. “You can’t control other people’s actions or reactions.” Her hands curl into fists and her eyes almost water. _Almost._ “And I can’t lose you.”

Her last words are barely a whisper and Clarke rushes towards her. But she doesn’t touch Lexa because she isn’t sure if she wants to be touched right now.

“I’m not going anywhere Lexa.” She steps forward, mentally cursing Titus, the paparazzi that caused the car crash _and herself_ , for being insensitive and don’t even thinking about what co-staring a movie with Lexa _, as her love interest,_ could mean. “I’m sorry.” She sighs, lowering her gaze. “I was just so excited about all the cool things that accepting this role could mean that I didn’t –“

Lexa’s feet enter on her vision field and soon a gentle finger is forcing her to look up.

“You have nothing to be sorry about, Clarke.” Her expression is contained and the sadness of her eyes is its only display of emotion. “I’m sorry for not thinking about what accepting this job would mean to you.”

Clake shakes her head at her words, stepping forwards and wrapping Lexa’s body in thigh a hug.

“I’m glad you thought about your needs first, Lex.” She nudges her head on the crock of Lexa’s neck, sighing happily when her body loosens and she hugs her back. “It’s a nice change.”

“No, it’s not. It’s egois-“

“Shush.” She pokes Lexa’s neck with her nose. “Don’t be so stubborn.”

“I’m sure you’re not one to talk about stubbornness, Clarke.”

Clarke smiles, because by Lexa’s tone she knows a small smile is playing on her lips.

“Shush again.” She leans back, offering her hand to Lexa. “Let’s go inside. I’ll let you borrow your fave hoodie because I know that despite the fact you would rather die to admit it, you’re cold. And then we can order some pizza and decide, together, if we will meet Kane and discuss their proposal or not.”

Lexa frowns slightly, but reaches for Clarke’s hand anyway, letting her drag her towards the door.

“Can’t we eat something healthier than pizza? I have class tomorrow morning and I’ll not sleep very well if –“

“But I looooveeee pizza, Lex!”

Lexa rolls her eyes, already knowing that they will eat pizza for dinner – and accept to discuss the proposal.

She just doesn’t know how she will handle with the outcome of her weakness.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone. Here's the new ALaD's chapter and I hope you enjoy it as much as I do. Also, thanks for leaving kudos, peeps! I'm happy about them and also looking forward to hear your opinion about this chapter! Have a nice weekend :)

Octavia steps forward, lifting the kicking pads wrapped around her arms, her eyes dark and her eyebrows scrunched together. Lexa steps towards her, throwing quick punches against her, which she dodges easily. A small smirk forms on Lexa’s lips when she notices Octavia’s unguarded waist line and she moves for a kick. Octavia barely has time to lower the kicking pads and bring them to the front of her chest, and a small huff leaves her lips when Lexa’s bare ankle connects with leather, forcing her to take a step back not to lose balance.

Sweat is forming on Lexa’s forehead, where a few locks of curly hair are glued, but she doesn’t seem to mind either of the things, her determined gaze on Octavia, studying all her moves. She goes for another kick and one more time Octavia is almost caught off of guard, and the force of the hit makes the younger woman raise an eyebrow.

Lexa steps backwards as soon as her foot meets the ground, her legs moving quickly, and Octavia advances, seeming pissed and aiming a calculated kick at the hem of Lexa’s right glove. But Lexa lifts her right leg quickly, using her knee to avoid the kick, and Octavia waits less than a second to repeat the action. After dodging the hit again Lexa uses her left leg to kick the pads fiercely one more time, causing Octavia, who barely had time to lower them - again, to stumble backwards.

“Easy, Lexa.”

Her eyes wanders quickly to one corner of the Octogon, where Niko is standing with crossed arms and concerned eyes. His warning tone – and his icy glare - make her nod shortly, and soon her eyes are locked with Octavia’s again. When the shorter brunette tries to kick her on her waistline, taking advantage of her vacillation, she grabs her leg, releasing it immediately and quickly moving for another kick.

Octavia huffs loudly before stepping forward, sweat streaming down her hairline, and Lexa uses her anger and distraction to hit the pad wrapped around her waist with her knee. Soon her glove is on the side of Octavia’s head, pushing her away.

The indignant look on her eyes and the perfect _O_ her lips form cause a smirk to grow on Lexa’s lips and Octavia huffs one more time before unlocking the pads from her arms and throwing them away, moving forward with a determined expression. The movement startles Lexa and she doesn’t have time to step away before Octavia presses one bare hand on the back of her head, causing her to bend forward. But soon Lexa’s body is straight again and she raises her knee, hitting the pad around Octavia’s waist fiercely.   

This time the younger brunette falls on her ass and Lexa’s eyes widen slightly before her expression softens and a loud, deep sigh leaves her parted lips.

“I apologize, Octavia.” She steps forward, reaching for Octavia’s hand. “I didn’t intend to –“

“Completely kick my ass?” Lexa nods and she shakes her head before accepting her help to stand up, using the back of her free hand to push some locks of hair away from her sweaty forehead. “But you did.”

“Well, I wouldn’t use such terms –“

“Of course you wouldn’t, grandma.”

“- but I sort of did. That was the reason I was trying to apologize.”

A huge grin forms on Octavia’s lips and she shakes her head one more time, staring at her friend with a playful look.

“No need to. I knew you would kick my ass today and yet, here I am. So I’m as guilt as you.”

The half annoyed half concerned glare Nikko is directing her tells her that what Octavia is saying couldn’t be more far from the truth and she nods at him, trying to convey that _she knows_ she wasn’t on her best behavior today but that _it_ will not happen again.

_I’m not letting my emotions dominate me one more time._

“It doesn’t work this way, Octavia. I’m sure about it.”

Octavia leans to remove her shin guards and Lexa starts to remove her gloves, already walking towards the ropes and dodging them to leave the Octogon.

Octavia raises her head, letting her eyes linger on the tattoos covering a part of Lexa’s arm before gathering her gear hurriedly. Soon she is walking besides Lexa and nudging her shoulder, the easy, wide smile still on her lips.

“Don’t be so hard on yourself, Woods. I get why it happened. And I also get that I need to train more and more, because I’m sure eventual opponents wouldn’t go easy on me either.” Lexa turns her head to look at Octavia and after a split seconds she nods, her posture relaxing slightly. Octavia nods back at her before reaching for the locker room’s door and opening it. She is already staring at the opened door of her locker when the silence between them becomes too much for her. “So, hm, I heard that Griffin will give you a ride to the meeting.” Lexa nods, her back turned to Octavia, reaching for the hem of her own tank top and pulling it over her head with a fluid movement. Octavia bites the corner of her bottom lip, staring hesitantly at her back for a few seconds before speaking again. “If you don’t want to do it you don’t _need_ to do it, you know.”

Lexa stops moving for a split second but then she is nodding again.

“I know.” She has a white v neck t-shirt crushed between her hands when she turns to face Octavia and her expression doesn’t give away her distress – which her white knuckles do. “But I couldn’t sleep last night, after Clarke insisting on eating a whole pizza while we talked, so I read the script and –“ she shrugs  helplessly “- it’s really great. It would be a shame letting this opportunity pass just because I have a tiny problem with overexposure.”

Octavia wants to laugh out loud, because this is the kind of sentence that would earn a LOL if they were messaging. But she knows better than that, because Lexa is sharing with her – even if teeny tiny bits – so she just nods, trying her best to look nonchalant.

She reaches for her towel and when she raises her head Lexa is still staring at her.

“Lincoln called me this morning. We will film in Los Angeles for a whole week.”

“Oh.”

Octavia knows her eyes are wide but she can’t do a thing to fix this. Because appearing calm and content in pressuring moments is Lexa’s thing, not hers.  

Lexa just nods shortly at her before lifting the shirt.

“So, hm, do you think this would look good with my black blazer and the ripped jeans?”

Octavia smiles at Lexa’s awkward attempt to clear the air and nods enthusiastically.

“I’m sure about it.” She gestures at the shirt, still squeezed by Lexa’s long fingers. “Just let go of it, you know. Because I’m sure you don’t want to be on the covers as the woman who never heard about ironing.”

Octavia does laugh out loud when the shirt hits the bench in front of Lexa a split second later.

…

_“Excuse me.” She turns to the incredibly hot brunette who is standing in front of her and places a hand on Lincoln’s forearm when he motions to stand up, glancing quickly at him and shaking her head, because this woman is clearly drunk, and despite not liking being approached by strangers, this one  clearly doesn’t offer any risk. The girl’s smirk widens when she notices that she has both of Lexa’s and Lincoln’s attention and she takes another steps forward, barely being able to do it without falling onto her face and embarrassing herself. “Fuck. You two look even hotter now that I can see your jaw lines.”_

_Lincoln laughs at that, loudly, and a small smile appear on Lexa’s lips. But before they can say anything the brunette is stumbling forward again and both of them are reaching for her arms, trying to keep her standing._

_“Ouch.” She scrunches her nose before smiling again, her eyes half closed, and places a hand on Lincoln’s knee, in a clear attempt to keep standing without too much struggle. “So, hm. My jackass of a friend dared me to ask out the hottest person of this party and –“ she gestures lazily between the two of them, frowning “- I couldn’t decide between the two of you.” She looks at Lexa, shrugging. “I think you made me queer.” Lincoln laughs again and Lexa arches her eyebrows inquisitively and Octavia smirks before leaning forward, failing hard on her attempt to whisper on Lexa’s ear. “I never swung this way. Until -”_

_“Keep your hands to yourself.”_

_Suddenly the girl’s back is colliding with Lexa’s chest and an angry and equally drunk Anya is leaning over her.  Before Lincoln has a chance do to anything another woman is launching herself against Anya’s body._

_“Octaaaaaviaaaa.”_

_The hit makes them  fall against Lincoln, who uses his arms to stabilize them, and Lexa places both hands on Octavia’s arms, helping her to stand. She nods at the woman, silently asking if she is fine, and the short nod that she receives manages to calm her a little._

_Lincoln is struggling with the two women who are shoving each other and cursing loudly, and she sighs at the look of pure – and causeless - rage on Anya’s face._

_“Anya, stop.”_

_She steps forwards when her plead is ignored but before she can do anything to force then apart a blonde woman is placing her hand over Anya’s shoulder._

_“Hey, ca-“_

_Anya turns her head, startled by the action, her arm already moving in a way that makes her intention pretty clear. But Lexa grabs it before the back of her hand can hit the woman’s face._

_“Jomp em op en yu jomp ai op.”_

_Anya stops moving as soon as the words leave Lexa’s mouth, her body relaxing, and Lincoln uses the opportunity to stand up, keeping his arms around Octavia’s restless friend and dragging her a few inches away. Anya sighs before letting her back collide with the bar, her recent actions sinking in her stomach, and Lexa quickly looks around, frowning at the people that are staring at them with confused expressions._

_The blonde woman stares at her for a split second before nodding at the security man who is near then. He nods back at her immediately and then starts to wave the curios people away. When she looks back at Lexa she sighs deeply, an easy, genuine smile appearing on her lips._

_“Whoa. That was close.”_

_Lexa glances at Octavia, who is staring at them with wide eyes. Then she looks at Lincoln and at the nervous brunette standing in front of them and straightening her clothes. When she locks eyes with the blonde’s again she just nods, sighing relieved too. The blonde’s smile widens before she lifts her outstretched hand in the air. “I’m Clarke Griffin.”_

_The corner of her lips curl almost imperceptibly upwards when her hand wrap around Clarke’s._

_“Lexa Woods.”_

…

“Hey, weirdo.”

Lexa leans forward to kiss Clarke’s cheek before buckling her seat belt, the corners of her lips moving upwards when she notices the big smile on Clarke’s lips.

“Morning, Clarke.”

Clarke keeps her bright blue eyes on Lexa for a few seconds before looking back at the street, starting the engine.

“How was today’s practice?” Lexa shrugs, a little unease, and Clarke glances quickly at her. “What was wrong? Did O get hurt?” She glances at Lexa again, her eyes wide. “Oh my God, did _you_ get -”

“No Clarke. Everything was fine.” She reaches for the radio, turning it on. “I just, hm, may be a little stressed. I wasn’t a good sparing buddy today.”

A relieved sigh leaves Clarke’s lips and she lets go of the gear to punch Lexa’s shoulder quickly.

“Never do that again, asshole.”

“What?” She glances quickly at the blonde before giving up on her attempt to find a good station and using Bluetooth to connect her phone to Clarke’s car. “But I didn’t say anything.”

“Yeah. _And that was the problem.”_

Lexa mumbles _whatever_ , her finger scrolling quickly though her playlist. Soon known lyrics are filling the car and Clarke grins, her fingers taping against the wheel rhythmically.

“Colors?”

Lexa shrugs, a small smile forming on her own lips.

“I like this song.”

She doesn’t mention that she feels like _everything is blue_ sometimes too.

…

“Well.” He places both hands on the table, looking at Lexa with a small smile that becomes a huge one when he turns his head and lock eyes with Clarke’s. “The decision is yours and I’m not trying to hurry it, but –“

“We will do it.” Five pair of eyes are suddenly focused on Lexa, who is staring at Kane, a determined expression on her face. Anya grins widely next to her, bringing one hand to her shoulder and squeezing it lightly. “Your team did a great job with the script and I’m sure you will do a wonderful job bringing it to the big screen.” She lets her eyes wander to Clarke’s very briefly before looking at Kane again, offering him a short nod. “We will work with you.”

“No.”

Clarke is the one who is being stared at now, puzzled gazes turned to her. She stands up, her dark eyes locked with Lexa’s, and shakes her head with disdain. Wells try to grab her wrist but she is already half way to the door and Lexa stands up promptly, nodding towards Kane one more time and missing the way Anya’s eyes roll at her action.

“Excuse me, Mr. Kane.”

She finds Clarke staring through a window at a small office a few rooms ahead. The blonde turns to her as soon as she hears the door closing, her index finger pointed at her face.

“You don’t get to do that, Lexa.”

She refrains herself from sighing and her trained expression remains impassible.

“Clarke.”

“No!” She comes closer to Lexa, the finger still in the air. “People can call you commander or whatever but you don’t get to say what I do or do not do with my life. So you can take your _We will work with you_ and shove it in-“

“Clarke.”

Her expression is still, even if now Clarke’s finger is almost touching the tip of her nose. But the way she says those two syllables convey so much affection, concernment and despair that Clarke’s arm fall and she grunts frustratingly before turning on her hells and walking towards the window. Lexa sighs before stepping forward hesitantly.

“I wasn’t trying to force you to accept the part, Clarke. We spend almost two hours discussing the matter last night and you made pretty clear that you would love to work in this movie.” She steps closer Clarke, standing right behind her but doesn’t daring to touch the pissed woman. “I couldn’t know you had changed your mind.”

Clarke turns to face her, her gaze still icy.

“You didn’t tell me we would need to go to Los Angeles. And then you avoided my eyes since the moment Kane mentioned it, which means you _knew_ I’d be hurt and pissed.” She takes a deeply sigh, clearly intending to keep her rage at bay. “We talked about it last night, Lexa. We said we should do it together. To make this deci –“

“It shouldn’t influence the decision.”

Clarke snorts loudly, rolling her eyes.

“But it does.” She crosses her arms in front of her chest but her eyes are softer now. “I learned to read you a while ago. You can try to make it harder by keeping the damn book closed but eventually I’ll open it and drink its content. Why don’t you make it easier for me, at least for once?”

Shock and guilt cross Lexa’s eyes and she sighs before stepping aside and walking towards the window. Several seconds pass before she replies.

“I’m not found of the idea of spending two entire weeks in Los Angeles, Clarke.” Her voice isn’t as steady as usual and her tone is lower and suddenly a hand is wrapping around hers warm fingers are interlacing with hers and a shoulder is brushing against her own. Lexa takes a deep breath and when she speaks again she sounds more like her usual, contained self. “But you were right. The script is great, the movie _is needed_. And it would be a great opportunity for both of us.” She squeezes Clarke’s hand quickly before letting go of it and turning to face her, offering her a small shrug. “And you’re all excited about the possibility of being a part of it. I can’t stand the idea of taking it from you and making you sad.”

Clarke eyes Lexa attentively, sighing, which makes her lips curl into a light pout.

“I don’t mind if it’s a great opportunity or if the scrip is amazing. And I definitively don’t want you doing it for my sake, Lex. All I care about is if you’re one hundred percent comfortable with. Oh, and you being honest with me about it wouldn’t hurt either.”

“I’m sorry.” She doesn’t explain for what, but she doesn’t need to. Clarke nods, a small smile forming on her lips and letting Lexa know that, for now, they are good again. That Lexa’s stubbornness and inability to talk about tough subjects was forgiven one more time. A shy smile forms on Lexa’s lips and she shrugs playfully. “Moreover, I’m Heda, Clarke. Do you really think I’d bow in front of you just to feed this big ego of yours?”

Clarke grins at her, poking her abs.

“Don’t be mean, Lex. And yes, I do think that. I mean, you would do more than bow. You’d vow to only do things that make me happy.” Lexa raises one eyebrow at that, but doesn’t contradict it, and Clarke’s grin widens. “Also, was it that hard, Miss Woods?” She leans on her tiptoes, giggling and kissing Lexa’s cheek. “You’re such a softie.”

“Clarke.”

Clarke smiles innocently at her, pouting again.

“What?”

“You’re crossing a line here. A very dangerous one.”

Clarke laughs loudly before letting her arms slid under Lexa’s blazer and wrap around her waist.

“I thought I had already crossed them all.”

_Yes, you did._

“Cockiness doesn’t look good on you, Clarke.”

Clarke snorts against her neck and she hugs her back tightly, allowing herself to take a deep breath and dive in her scent.

“Everything looks good on me, Lex. You know that.”

_Yes, I do._

“Whatever helps you to sleep at night, _Prisa_.”

Clarke snorts before pinching Lexa’s hip and causing her to jerk away.

“And to think you were talking about crossing lines just a few minutes ago.” A small smirk cross Lexa’s lips and Clarke grins widely. “Are we doing it, then?”

Lexa nods at her, shortly and contentedly, and Clarke punches the air, already turning to door.

“Oh my God. This is going to be so epic.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey. I'm back with the new chapter of ALaD. It's a long - and sad - one, and I'm warning you that it contains mentions of death.
> 
> Hope you like this chapter. If you do, leave me a comment! I love to read your opinions about my writing! :)

_“I don’t like the idea, Titus.” She glances at the young woman sleeping on the couch, sighing loudly before looking back at her personal assistant. “I didn’t even like the idea of her coming here with me.” She dries her sweaty hands on her thighs absentmindedly, her brow furrowed. “They are loud and intrusive.”_

_He smiles at her, reaching for her shoulder and squeezing it in a reassuring way._

_“They’re just doing their job, Lexa. And any press is good press.” His smile gets wider when he points at his laptop’s screen, where the digital version of a cover of a magazine can be seen – she doesn’t understand why the image of her (very clearly incredibly distressed) holding hands with a smiling Costia caused so much fuss. “Plus, Costia doesn’t mind the attention. She even likes it. And both of us know you’d be grumpy if she had stayed in Australia.”_

_She shrugs, because maybe he has a point. But the knowledge of her impossibility of being apart from her girlfriend for long periods of time doesn’t make she enjoy the attention they are receiving from the paparazzi since they landed on Los Angeles._

_“I still don’t like it.”_

_“It’s too bad that you need to do a lot of things you don’t like, then.”_

_She is ready to give Titus a piece of his mind when she feels a hand squeezing her shoulder. She feels calmer in the moment Gustus’ kind eyes meet with hers._

_“Everything will be fine, Heda. Costia will leave in the first car and they will follow her, giving her the attention she craves.” She nods, because she has to admit that her girlfriend enjoy the flashes too much for her liking. “You will leave a few minutes later, unnoticed. And I’ll be with her all the time, you don’t need to worry.”_

_She nods again, and Titus sighs, clearly vexed._

_“Your best bodyguard should be with you.”_

_Lexa shakes her head quickly, her jaw clenched._

_“He is way more than a bodyguard and he understands the importance of his task, contrary of most of your man.” She glances quickly at Costia before nodding shortly at Titus. “He is going with her.”_

…

“I heard that Mama Griffin is incredibly excited about your little family reunion.”

Clarke nods, reaching for a jar of tomato sauce.

“Yes, she is. More than she should, probably.” She places the jar inside their shopping cart before glancing at Raven. “She is acting like years have passed since the last time we meet and it has barely been five months.”

Raven chuckles lowly, shaking her head.

“This is so Abby.” She points at the jar, arching one eyebrow. “But why are you buying tomato sauce? Isn’t Lexa the _making from the scratch_ kinda gal?”

“She is. But you notice that we aren’t the same person, right? I mean, we live at separated houses and all.”

Raven rolls her eyes, snorting.

“Oh, yeah. I noticed that. But barely.” She stops, placing one hand on Clarke’s forearm in a silence request for her to do the same, before reaching for a family sized package of M&M’s. “Thanks God for the person who threw it here, in the middle of the sauce’s section. I’m way too tired to cross the grocery store after some candies. Anyway –“ she throws the package into their cart, looking back at Clarke. “- it’s not like you don’t spend six nights together every single week.”

Clarke shrugs, starting to push the cart again.

“Hm, yes. We usually do. But this week Anya has been keeping her insanely busy, so we haven’t been eating together.” Raven nods and Clarke glances at the piece of paper crumpled on her hand. “What reminds me that she drank all my tea last night, so I need to buy more.”

“But you just said you haven’t been eating together.”

“Yes, but she stayed over the last couple of nights. She has been struggling with her insomnia and I want to make sure she gets at least some rest.”

 Raven nods again, concern defeating her desire to tease Clarke’s about her _friendship_ with Lexa.

“The LA thing?”

Clarke nods, sighing.

“She doesn’t talk about it, but it’s pretty clear that she can’t stop thinking about the accident. And when I told her she could talk to me about it she said she didn’t want to, that expending time was enough for her.” She shrugs, stopping in front of some boxes of pasta. “We have been binge watching Disney movies until falling asleep since then.”

Raven snorts loudly, crouching to grab two boxes of Barilla’s spaghetti.

“I can’t believe _the commander_ loves Disney movies.” She stands up, smirking at Clarke. “Or that she cries every single time Mufasa dies.”

Clarke’s eyes go wide and she points her index finger at Raven, her mouth slightly open.

“If she finds out that my drunk self told you about it she will kill me.”

“Relax, Princess. Her secret is safe with me.” Her smirks get wider before she starts walking again, intentionally avoiding Clarke’s gaze. “As well as the fact you think it’s adorable when she does that.”

Clarke blushes, clearing her throat awkwardly.

“No, I don’t. But, hm, whatever. Anyway, Octavia told me she is calmer at their classes when she spends the night with me, so I guess it is helping.”

“Oh.” Raven reaches for Clarke forearm, glancing quickly at her. “This reminds me that I forgot to ask you about Lexa’s tattoos. O is obsessed about them but she is too shy to ask Lexa about them, so she was wondering if you knew who designed them, especially the one on her ba–“

Clarke stops abruptly, making Raven stumble in the cart – and curse loudly.

“How Octavia knows about the tattoo on her back?”

Raven frowns, staring at Clarke with a weird expression.

“Hm, because they are sparing buddies?” Clarke just stares at her, her jaw clenched, and she snorts loudly. “Come on, do you really think they train all clothed?”

Clarke shrugs before starting to walk again, her knuckles turning white against the handle.

 “Staring at other people’s tattoos is rude. And creepy.”

Raven stares at her with wide eyes for a couple of seconds before following her, decided to let Octavia find out about Lexa’s tattoos on her own.

…

“Here you are.” She stops next to Raven, who is chatting with Lincoln, Anya and a guy she thinks it’s called Wick, and throws an arm over her shoulder, a huge smile on her lips. “Are you enjoying your farewell party?”

Raven nods enthusiastically, grinning.

“Fuck yeah. And I need to confess that I never thought that your love for me was so deep.” She points at the bottles and snacks over Clarke’s kitchen counter. “I mean, you outdone yourself this time and I’m just moving to D.C. Imagine what kind of party you will throw me before I leave for the space?”

They laugh loudly and Clarke grins, kissing Raven’s cheek.

“You better don’t, then. Because I’d surely be broken after paying for the beverages and the food.” She squeezes her arm lightly, pouting. “I’ll miss you.”

Raven rolls her eyes, pushing Clarke away playfully.

“Leave me alone, you weirdo.”

Clarke steps back, placing a hand on her chest dramatically.

“It breaks my heart that you just want my money, not my affection. I’ll walk away.” She pinches Raven’s side, making her yelp. “But just because I’m looking for Lex, not because you’re asking me to do it _so politely_.” She glances at Anya, who is smirking at her. “Did you see her?”

“Yes.” She nods towards the stairs, the smirk still on her lips. “She is upstairs. And Octavia just went after her.”

Clarke’s eyebrow arches before she excuses herself, walking quickly towards the stairs.

…

“I know you can take care of yourself, Lexa. And I also know you have Linc and Anya to look after you in these next days, while Clarke is gone.” She smiles at the other brunette, shrugging. “What I’m trying to say is that you have me too.” Octavia looks away, shrugging sheepishly. “Lincoln is practically your brother so we are almost sisters-in-law. I can look after you too.”

A small smile forms on Lexa’s lips and she takes a seat on the couch, one hand rubbing her eyes.

“I appreciate your concern, Octavia. But you already do that.” Octavia arches one eyebrow, walking towards the couch and taking a seat next to Lexa. “You help me to deal with my rage three times a week, Octavia. You help me to keep it at bay.” She shrugs, the corner of her lips slightly curled upwards. “You are the best sparring partner I could ask for, and I’m very thankful for it.”  

Octavia grins widely, throwing an arm around Lexa’s shoulders and squeezing her arm, even if the brunette flinches a bit.

“Aaaaaw, look at you. You kick my ass three times a week but yo-“

“I can’t believe you two are really doing this.”

Their heads turn to the door, were a livid Clarke is standing with her hands placed on her hips. Octavia arches one eyebrow, standing up quickly, but Lexa barely frowns.

“What?”

Clarke scoffs loudly, shaking her head.

“Don’t try to play the innocent little girl, Octavia. I will not fall for that.” She enters the room, a cold, short laugh leaving her lips. “I should have known that it’d happen. You have a thing for her since you two met each other –“

“I believe you don’t want to finish your sentence, Clarke.”

Clarke’s eyes move to Lexa, who is standing now two, her jaw clenched and her eyes cold.

“And I _can’t_ believe that you’ve been fucking my best friend behind my back.” She is almost yelling and her hand is shaking when she points a finger at Octavia, who is staring at her with wide eyes. “And you have a boy-“

“Enough, Clarke.”

She scoffs loudly, her attention back to Lexa. She steps closer to her, her finger almost touching the tip of her nose and thick tears streaming down her cheeks.

“Don’t you dare to talk to me. You betra-“

“Clarke.” Suddenly Raven is grabbing her arm and pulling her back, her concerned eyes searching for Lexa’s. “You don’t want to do it this way.”

“Why everybody thinks tha–“

“Shut the fuck up, your bitch.” Octavia’s jaw is clenched and her eyes are burning holes on Clarke’s face. “She is trying to help you. But apparently you’re too self-centered and paranoid to notice that.”

She bumps into Clarke’s shoulder when she leaves the room and it seems to do something to Clarke, who turns her head, searching for Lexa’s eyes.

Her hands are curled into fists next to her thighs and her eyes are cold, and Clarke starts to cry harder, stepping forward and reaching for Lexa’s arm. She steps back by instinct, almost stumbling on the couch, and murmurs _excuse me_ before leaving the room.

Raven runs a hand though her hair anxiously, her eyes wide.

“What the fuck just happened here?”

…

It’s just two hours later, after talking to Raven and Wells and accepting the fact that she screwed her best friend’s farewell party and possibly two of her most important friendships that she brings herself to move from the couch and start to do some fixing.

Octavia is somewhere talking to Lincoln, who is probably doing some damage control and preventing her from literally kicking Clarke’s ass, so she decides to go after Lexa first.

_(Of course her decision has nothing to do with the despair that settled in her chest since Lexa left her TV room without looking back.)_

It’s way easier to find her than she thought it’d be, and Anya nods at her when she stops at her own kitchen’s door. But despite the nod Anya’s eyes are cold and she remembers the first months of her friendship with Lexa, when Anya didn’t trust her yet, and it only adds to her sadness.

_Maybe I didn’t deserve to be trusted after all._

She knows that Lexa knows why Anya left the kitchen, but she doesn’t turn, and Clarke takes several breathes before stepping into the room, her voice trembling.

“Lexa.”

Clarke flinches when she finally turns, fighting the urge to take several steps backwards.

Lexa is looking exactly how she looks when she is giving a live interview and the interviewer asks her about _the accident._ And Clarke always wants to punch them in the face and then to wrap her arms around Lexa, because despite her clenched jaw and empty – almost icy – glare, the slight tremble of her hands always give up her intern turmoil. 

But Clarke can’t do any of these things now. Not when she was the cause for Lexa’s walls to rise so quickly and strongly.

She swallows, looking up very briefly and hoping this will keep her tears at bay. Because letting her despair show will not do them any good things.

“Clarke.” The harsh tone betrays her emotion, and Clarke swallows again, trying to decide how to approach Lexa, how to let go of the fear she is feeling now. Because she heard stories about how intimidating the other woman could be, but her anger never was turned to her. “I may leave. I’m ti-“

Lexa’s words put her off of her trance and she steps forward hurriedly.

“Don’t leave.” She doesn’t add _the please_ , because her tone makes clear she is already begging. When Lexa’s expression falls for a second Clarke steps forward again, newfound hope warming her chest. And she knows she will not have what she wants easily, but all she can do now is beg – she is too confused to do anything else. “Stay. We need to talk.”

But begging is the wrong thing to do, because Lexa is immediately shaking her head.

“We don’t.”

“Lex, please. I’m leaving tomorrow morning and I can’t leave the things this way. We nee-“

“Maybe we need to talk. But we will not.”

She can feel the tears forming on her eyes again and shakes her head quickly, hopping her voice isn’t as broken as she is feeling.

“Lexa, you know I need peace to function. And to have peace I also need to have you.”

She is not sure if her words are giving up more than they should, but she can’t bring herself to care. Not now.

_She is desperate._

“You should have thought about your peace before insinuating something is happening between Octavia and me.” The words are bitter and a tear streams down Clarke’s cheek. Lexa can be cold – with other people, she heard – but she is never mean, and knowing she was the cause of such reaction breaks Clarke. Lexa seems to notice it, because she sighs deeply, her expression falling again. “Nothing good would come from this conversation, Clarke. Not if we have it now.”

“We don’t need to talk now. Just –“ she wipes her tear away, trying to recompose “- stay over. We will head to my room and I’ll lend you my fave pair of sweatpants and make you some disgusting green tea. We can even put on some Dis-“

“I don’t want to stay over, Clarke.” She turns, walking towards the sink. “Lincoln is like a brother to me. And Octavia is your young sister, for all the matters.” She reaches for the edge of the counter, placing a hand against it, her words barely a whisper. “How could you suggest that? I’d never do that to _any of you_.”

Clarke uses the back of her hand to wipes away new tears, closing the space between then with a few strands and reaching for Lexa’s wrist, wrapping her shaky hand around it gently.

“I didn’t mean that, Lexa. I know I said the words and –“ She sighs, frustrated with her own behavior and incoherence. “I know you would never betray Lincoln.”

She could have said _me,_ but the moment isn’t right for a love confession. For a discussion about their blurry and mutual feelings.

Lexa frees her wrist from Clarke grip very gently, walking away from her one more time.

“It doesn’t appear.” She turns to face Clarke, her expression still stoic but her eyes watering. “I’ll say goodbye to Raven.” Clarke is not fighting the tears that insist on stream down her face anymore, and the sight of her red rimmed eyes and wet cheeks seem to do something to Lexa, who closes her eyes briefly, sighing. When she opens them again she seems more collected. “I’ll see you in Los Angeles. I hope you have a safe flight.”

She nods once at Clarke before leaving the kitchen.

…

“I already told you I’m not going. You can give up.”

Wells sighs tiredly before glancing at Raven, his eyes pleading.

“What? You think anything I say will make her change her mind?” She snorts, gesturing at the woman siting on the couch. “Look at her, Jaha. She is a mess.”

He nods, sighing again.

“Yes, but this mess –“ he points at her, glancing at the couch quickly “- has an interview in Los Angeles tomorrow. She _has_ to fly in the morning.”

“Not going.”

Clarke’s voice is low and broken and Raven sighs in defeat before walking towards the couch.

“You will not fly before clearing the air with O and Lexa, right?” Clarke nods and Raven reaches for her head, running a hand through her hair. “Okay then, you don’t deserve it, because you were a jerk who hurt two of my closest friends, but I’ll help you anyway.” She leans, kissing Clarke’s cheek gently, and the hope on her face breaks her own heart. “All right, be right back.”

…

Octavia is the one who opens the door to her and she doesn’t bother asking her why she is at Lexa’s place in the middle of the night.

“Is he talking to her?”

Octavia nods, closing the door behind her.

“Yes. And Anya too.” She gestures to the couch when they arrive in the living room, plopping on it. “They are in her office, and despite the closed door I still can hear Anya’s voice from time to time.”

Raven’s eyes widen as she takes a seat next to Octavia.

“Man, that’s scary.” She glances at the closed door before sighing. “Our jerk of a friend isn’t doing very well. She is a crying, babbling mess.”

Octavia shrugs, but her expression gives up her concern.

“She deserves to feel this way.”

“Ditto.” She reaches for Octavia’s hand, squeezing it gently. “But you know she didn’t mean it, right?” Octavia nods slowly and Raven smiles encouragingly at her. “Well, you should talk to her then. Tell her she deserves to feel miserable for being an idiot jealous and screwing up our night. You know how she needs these calls from reality from time to time.”  

Octavia just stares at her for several seconds, but then she nods, already standing up.

“Will you tell him where I am when they finally leave the office?”

Raven nods, and a few minutes later Octavia is knocking on Clarke’s door.

…

“Hey, idiot.”

Clarke looks up from her phone, her eyes widening when she notices Octavia leaning against the doorframe.

“O.”

Her body collides with Octavia’s a few seconds later, and even if she is still a little hurt and mad she is quick in wrapping her arms around Clarke’s sobbing frame. It takes her a while, but eventually she manages to drag them both towards the bed, and after a few minutes of holding Clarke and running a soothing hand on her back she finally stops to cry.

She takes a deep breath before starting to talk.

“In the last three hours I’ve been trying, very hard, to understand what kind of spirit possessed your body and made you act that way. I failed epically, so I think I’ll not make sense now, like your actions still don’t make sense to me.” She sighs again, deeply. “Anyway, I feel like I need to clarify that I’d never cheat on Lincoln, even if you already know that. And you probably weren’t thinking straight, pun intended, when you acted like an insane person, but your insinuation still hurt. A lot.” She smiles sadly at Clarke, using her thumb to wipe a few tears from her cheek. “Because you can be an oblivious idiot, Griffin, but I’m not. And I’d never, ever betray _you._ ”  

Clarke’s bottom lip starts to tremble again and for a split second Octavia thinks she will start to cry again. But then she shrugs, looking away.

“I’m not, too.”

Octavia’s eyebrows arch and she grins, already knowing what she is about to hear.

“What? And idiot?”

A small smile appears on Clarke’s lips.

“No. That I am, big time.” She shrugs again, sheepishly. “I’m not oblivious.” She looks back at Octavia, her cheeks slightly colored. “I know I have feelings for her.”

Octavia throws herself over Clarke, smooshing her cheek.

“Oh my God, our little girl is all grown up.” She pinches Clarke’s side, making her groan. “I’m proud of you, C.” She removes herself from Clarke’s body, smirking at her. “You just admitted it out loud, for the first time, I suppose.” Clarke nods at her and she shrugs. “Okay. Now we just need to wait another year or so for you to make a move on her.”

Clarke rolls her eyes, sitting straight. She hugs Octavia tightly, kissing her cheek.

“I’m so sorry for being a terrible friend and human being earlier, O. You didn’t deserve that and I –“

“I know, Griff. I hated it and I can’t deny that I’m still a little hurt, but I understand your reasons.” She leans back, locking eyes with Clarke’s. “I’m not so sure about Lexa, though. About her understanding your reasons, I mean.”

Clarke sighs deeply, letting her head fall on Octavia’s shoulder.

“I’m not ready to go there, O. Not yet.” She sighs one more time, deeply. “I’m not ready to be with someone else and I would mess up with our friendship. I’m not willing to risk losing Lexa.”

Octavia hugs her tight, kissing her head.

“So take your time. But keep in mind that Lexa adores you.” She leans back, placing both of her hands on Clarke’s shoulders and locking eyes with hers. “I’m pretty sure she would be willing to try to have something with you, even if the thought of being with someone again kind of freaks her out.” Clarke nods and Octavia smiles at her. “You guys will figure everything out eventually, I’m sure. Just give the love an opportunity to grow. Stop shooting it down with the _we are just really good friends_ excuse. Because you’re way past this point, and the fact that you made a fool out yourself this night just proves it.”

…

Lexa turns to the door just in time to see Raven’s head appearing through the crack of the door, wiping some tears away very quickly.

 “I’m sorry to interrupt your intervention but it’s almost three in the morning and I have a fly to catch at eight so –“ she gestures to Lexa, seeming somewhat embarrassed “- could you bring your fine ass to Clarke’s? The bitch won’t stop crying and refuses to fly to Los Angeles before begging you and O for forgiveness and Wells is almost losing his cool.”

Anya sighs frustratingly before glancing at Lexa.

“Do us this favor, Lexa. You two will end up fixing this mess eventually, so why not doing it now?”

“Because I don’t want to. And I don’t do things that I don’t want to do.”

Lincoln steps forward, reaching for her forearm and squeezing it gently.

“And if you really don’t want to talk to her, no one will force you to do it. But if you think it would bring _you_ any peace, you should do it.”

She glances at him and Raven’s eyes widen, because she never saw Lexa so _fragile_.

“What if I end saying all the wrong things?” She steps forward when Lincoln pulls on her hand, accepting his side hug. “I’m not ready to do it, Linc. Not yet.”

He kisses her head fondly before leaning back.

“And that’s okay too, Lex. _No matter what Anya says to you or tries to force you to do_.” He glances at the woman, who has the decency to seem embarrassed. “Raven is here so I’m sure Octavia is with Clarke now. So care to go to her place with me to rescue my girlfriend?”

Lexa stares at him hesitantly for a few moments and when she nods they release a collective sigh.

…

“Octavia –“ they turn to the door, where a surprisingly nervous Lexa is standing, and Clarke’s grip on Octavia’s hand becomes painful “- Lincoln is waiting for you downstairs but he says you can take your time.”

Octavia stares at her for a couple of seconds before wrapping Clarke in a hug and kissing her cheek.

“Will see you in a few of weeks, Clarkey. And tell Mama and Papa Griffin I’ve been missing them.” Clarke nods, mumbling _Love you, O_ , and Octavia leaves the bed, stopping in front of Lexa, a genuine smile on her lips. “Are you going to class tomorrow?” Lexa nods and she squeezes her shoulder, smiling wider. “See you there, then.”

And then is just the two of them, staring hesitantly at each other. After a while Lexa sighs, walking towards the bed and taking a seat next to Clarke, who immediately reaches for her hand.

“I don’t want to talk.” Lexa’s eyes widen slightly after the unplanned words leaving her lips and she notices the worry on Clarke’s features so she turns her hand, interlacing their fingers. “But you have a flight to catch in a few hours and Wells begged me to convince you to at least have a nap before heading to the airport, so I thought we could just lie down and try to sleep?” She squeezes Clarke’s hand, her eyes focused on their interlaced fingers. “You can be the little spoon.”

Clarke’s lips turn into a huge smile and she leans forward, wrapping Lexa in a tight hug and whispering _I’m so sorry_ directly into her ear a couple of times. It takes her a while, but eventually Lexa wraps her arms around Clarke’s waist, and she places a kiss on her cheek before leaning back, mumbling _I know._

After a few minutes they are under the covers, their legs interviewed. Clarke also interlaces their fingers, pressing her back on Lexa’s chest and sighing contentedly when she places one arm over her waist. Lexa sighs deeply, squeezing her hand lightly before closing her eyes.

Sleep doesn’t come easy to any of them.

…

_“It’s your fault.” She punches the chest of the man standing in front of her multiples times, thick tears rolling down her face and making her eyeliner taint her cheeks. “They are dead now and it’s your fault.”_

_Titus stumble backwards, tears and regret on his own eyes, and Lexa only stops punching him when Nyko wraps his strong arms over her chest, pulling her backwards._

_“Daun ste pleni, Leksa. Your anger will not bring them back.”_

_She falls to her knees, her voice weak and broken._

_“He sold them the information about my departure, Nyko. They were there because of him. If they hadn’t followed their car they would be still alive.” She brings one shaky hand to her face, wiping her tears angrily. “Jus drein jus daun.”_

_It’s barely a whisper and Nyko swallows his own tears before leaning forward to pick her from the ground, kissing her head when she throws her arms around his neck, her tears dampening his shirt._

_She leaves in the following morning, two coffins in the cargo compartment and the promise to never to return to Los Angeles._

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading everyone. This is my first Clexa fic and I'm kind of new in this fandom so be nice to me (or don't, you're free people! But whatever you decide to do, let me know what you think about this thing. Please? You can comment here or send me an ask on Tumblr - I'm justanotherass-mann there too.)
> 
> Also, heads up: English isn't my first language and this hasn't been betaed, so forgive any mistakes - and point it out if you want. I'm always willing to improve my writing.
> 
> Have a good week y'all!


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